Introducing the VoxPhone! [ANIMATED]

“Introducing the VoxPhone from VoxTek, with new features designed especially for parents. Tired of keeping your little snots entertained? The VoxPhone has you covered, with innovative features clinically proven to keep the gremlins glued to the screen for hours on end! They’ll love broadcasting every thought and insecurity for all of Hell to see, and then fight to the digital death with complete strangers over who’s the most cringe! And with our new patent-pending always-on Artificial Friendship app, you’ll never have to take time out of your day to chauffer them to playdates with their fellow parasites. And don’t worry; we’re committed to gathering as much data about your ankle-biter as we can so you can rest easy knowing we’ve always got our eye on them. VoxTek: trust us with your children!”

(Exactly what it feels like being a parent in 2025.)